(216) Someone is building the time machine to the 80's, right? + links

Oleh Unknown

Friday, January 1, 2016

I spent much of this week watching Indiana Jones and wishing I had a time machine that would take me back to 80's.

Because goddamn:

Did women faint during the 80's in cinemas a lot?

Having just posted about brutality directed at woman in the previous post, I saw Temple of Doom two days ago and I was turned on to be sure but mostly stunned. In the beginning Indiana Jones is poisoned and acting erratic and there is this huge fight and then all of the sudden there is a 2 second long moment of him sucker punching some random woman and I was like what is happening?! Then at the end he actually captures a woman with his whip and I have felt so many things in this moment mostly this is so wrong but I am not feeling outrage and it makes me feel like a hypocrite but she seems really into it oh God what am I and what is this

And also - I wasn't around for most of the 80s but Indiana Jones movies were mostly for kids, right? PG and all? There is a scene where Indiana tells this chick he wants to conduct nocturnal experiment on her and study her sexual activities (I was just so exhausted by the time the movie was over, seriously there was even whipping of shirtless Ford in that thing) and they sure don't make movies like that any more, there is barely any innuendos left in films these days, it's just all so 'god let's hope we don't offend anybody and god forbid we ever allude to sex'. How is it that people had more courage in 80's than they do nowadays?!

This is all my mother's fault. Not only did she fangirl excessively over Ford before, during and after Force Awakens but Sabrina was on TV this week. This movie is holy in our household. Whenever it airs we just watch it and sigh loudly. I don't think people are aware that this movie exists. Let me convince you to watch it.

Also this was pointed out to me -------->

Meanwhile when I was not daydream-cheating on Tom, I used my magic powers to get him a new gig. Hear me out - few days ago it was announced that Chris Nolan ~~is finally too annoyed with Academy ignoring him so he~~ decided to make a movie about ~~one of their favorite subjects -~~ World War 2, Dunkirk to be more precise (remember that incredible scene in Atonement?), which is also the movie's working title.

So I was like "dude, Chris, get Hardy. He looks so good in a uniform (albeit still not good enough to make sit through Child 44 in entirety) and you obviously are capable of working with him more than once". And then BAM! Hardy is in talks to be in the movie(along with Kenneth Brannagh and front runner for this year's Best Supporting Actor Mark Rylance). I'm so freaking happy.

28 days until I see The Revenant and can publish my end of the year list. It's almost entirely ready. I'm introducing new categories - most influential hair-style thanks to Bryce Dallas Howard's hair in Jurassic World for which I had my long curls cut down and JJ Abrams award for the most cruel moment in the movie. Seriously, I cannot get over how awful that was. I'm also backed into a corner with my most misogynistic Lars Von Trier award because Tarantino is not misogynistic yet if you read my yesterday's post and see the two delightful comments under it, Hateful Eight certainly makes misogynistic crowd cheer.

Here's more of Tom being awesome during The Revenant interviews. I love that it took DiCaprio a moment to react:

Downton Abbey series finale was absolutely lovely. Everything ended well and Edith found happiness. More series finales should be like this one.

Spotlight was great. It was not as great as everyone kept saying it was but it's a solid 9/10. It would be good if it won Best Picture - we need people talking about what a disgusting and criminal organization the Catholic Church institution is. The film shows things from the journalistic perspective but the monstrosity of Catholic Church is so evident in the actions of their representatives. The movie also has the most shocking ending I've seen in a while, that happens after the final scene, in the things we read on the black screen. I am gonna review it. I never pass on a chance to point out most of the members of that institution should be chained and locked up.

The Danish Girl was terrible. Eddie Redmayne's style of acting is this - looks down, looks up, smiles like a psychopath, whispers. If the Academy nominates him for this ridiculous performance it's gonna be an embarrassment on par with him actually winning last year. Also, why are you punishing me, God? The only male nudity I saw in 2015 film is now from Eddie freaking Redmayne. What the shit, man. I don't deserve this. I'm a good person. Why would you show me his penis? Why would you show anyone his penis? Why?

I needed to look at shirtless photos of Hardy for about 10 minutes after witnessing this crap. I have absolutely no issue with transgender people. But I have an issue with naked Redmayne. This was just plain disturbing.

That film was also so badly written. I was probably supposed to feel for Redmayne's character but he was such an asshole. He was a freeloader who sat in his house, whining, put his wife through hell and was just a selfish jerk. Not that the wife was any better. There is a scene where she is undressing him and she sees he is wearing a nightie under his clothes. And instead of going, I don't know, "WHAT THE FUCK BABY?" she says nothing and bangs him. Then the next day she suggests he goes to the ball with her and he dresses up like a girl. I was stunned by the events depicted in this film. This must have been creative license because this much stupid actually existing in real life would tear the time-space continuum.

2015: The year I feared for Matthias Schoenaerts. First because of that moronic Batsheba, then the freakshow couple in The Danish Girl. He shows up as this good guy who was friends with Redmayne's character and then I was forced to sit there watching Vikander stand by her husband and keep throwing Schoenaerts away.

I honestly kept hoping a bomb would drop and that movie would just end leaving Schoenaerts and the dog as sole survivors.

Irrational Man was one of those forgettable films from Allen he does almost every year now. There was nothing new in the story, At least the soundtrack was fun. Seriously this is all I have to say about this film.

Spectre was ridiculous. I knew Waltz would suck in this as soon as I saw the trailer.. And what do you know, I was right. He puts zero effort in his performances lately. He was such a bland, ludicrously written villain. Seydoux was also fucking terrible. She played her character as some ditsy rebellious schoolgirl. The chain of events of her banging Bond in the train and then the next day telling him 'I love you James' as he was getting tortured almost made me laugh my ass off. And Monica Bellucci? She was in that for 4 minutes! Why did they get actress of this caliber and looks to be in a movie for 4 minutes?! They should have scrapped that awful Seydoux's character and just have Bellucci as a single Bond girl this time around, age appropriate. Watching Craig and Seydoux together made me cringe and I'm usually all for older man/younger woman (CLEARLY) but she was acting like a schoolgirl and that was disgusting as fuck - it wasn't an act to turn on Bond, no she was actually this silly. Also what was up with the slapstick way the henchmen died? Or Bond shooting down a helicopter....with a handgun...while being on motorboat? I can't even.

Suffragette was a wasted opportunity. The script and the direction in this movie reeked of amateurism. It's such a shame because this could have been a powerful, important movie. Movies about women who fought for our freedom have to keep getting made. The story shown in the movie is barely one century old. Hundred years ago, just a hundred, a course of a lifetime, women were still being treated like inferior and denied basic rights. It's a shame a better movie wasn't made here and the awful direction deprives Carey Mulligan of any chance to create a great performance.

The Big Short went completely over my head. I was always dumb when it came to economics so not even Margot Robbie showing up for one minute and explaining it in bath tub helped. That was possibly the most brilliant thing to happen in 2015 movie:

Anyways two things I'm certain of - Gosling is excellent in it and steals the show and Bale's award recognition for that film is simply puzzling.

So Marvel vomited some stuff on us this week. Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr Strange. He does look very much like the character and the casting of Mads Mikkelsen and Tilda Swinton will be enough to get me to watch that.

We also got first look at Assassin's Creed. Well hopefully it will have a better script than Macbeth. Also we got first image from the sequel to Neighbors. The first one was one of my favorite comedies last year so I'm very much looking forward to it.

We have the first still from The Girl on the Train. Emily Blunt still look too good for someone who plays overweight alcoholic. My entire faith lies in Ferguson.

We got first image from La La Land with Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. I'm not into musicals at all but these two may work up enough magic along with Whiplash director who made the movie to make it interesting.

As I'm gasping for breath and drinking lots of water while rewatching Indiana Jones fun coincidence sees Mark reviewing those awesome films
Brittani didn't hate The Danish Girl so that's shocking in itself
m.brown reviews Concussion for which I assume Smith will steal Hardy's nomination for Legend. He also reviews Age of Adaline which I'll see very soon for reasons.
Keith shares his top 10 movies of 2015
Mette writes about the ridiculous treatment of women in Spectre
Courtney points out the many flaws of Joy